1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000 The following programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:14,560 Ten years ago, Rob Beckett and I met on the comedy circuit, 3 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,200 and we've been friends ever since. 4 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,680 I think we complement each other. He's sad, I'm happy. 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,280 He'll always smile about things. 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,480 It's just a shame that that smile is so punchable. 7 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:23,640 (LAUGHS) 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,960 Now, we're putting our friendship to the test... 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,240 Why are we in this vehicle? Bigger the better. 10 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,640 ..as we travel the world together... 11 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,880 I'm gonna get out of here and smack -your arse with this. -Get out, then. 12 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,720 ..to meet some of the greatest athletes on the planet. 13 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,920 (LAUGHTER) 14 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,080 ..as well as some of the biggest stars... 15 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,120 Hello! 16 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,440 ..from the world of music and entertainment. 17 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,200 (LAUGHTER) 18 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,360 So far in this series... 19 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,920 Oh, God! (LAUGHTER) 20 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,560 ..we've been pushed to our limits... 21 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,600 I'm more nervous now than I was my first ever gig. 22 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,200 'We've gone toe to toe with the NFL, 23 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,200 trained to take on the world's fastest man...' 24 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,320 Jesus Christ! 25 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,040 'And exposed ourselves in New York City.' 26 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,440 Look at my tits. 27 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,080 'This week, back in London, we had an experience 28 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,000 that was, once again, going to push us out of our comfort zone. 29 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,280 We were on a mission to see if we could master the art of the superstar DJ. 30 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,400 CHASE I make hits not the public 31 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,160 I tell the DJs what to play Understand? ♪ 32 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,920 'Let's be clear about this from the start, 33 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,160 neither of us have any experience DJing whatsoever. 34 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,360 But given the rise of the superstar DJ of the past 20 years, 35 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,080 we thought there might be room for us to branch out.' 36 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,120 It's just playing other people's music, innit? 37 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,640 DJs now are megastars. 38 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,680 They are the richest... 39 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:52,240 They're like the rock 'n' roll, like, The Rolling Stones when rock 'n' roll was huge and mega... Yeah. 40 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,800 ..and it was crazy private jets and groupies and drinking and partying. 41 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,040 That's what a DJ is. 42 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,720 Our clubbing life, if you like... Mmm. 43 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,640 ..has been due in the time that DJs 44 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,480 have gone from being in the background 45 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,040 to becoming megastars. Yeah. 46 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,520 Fat Boy Slim. 47 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,720 He was the big DJ of our time. Weren't he? 48 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,960 He was. He's the one everyone went mad for. 49 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,400 (CHUCKLES) Why you laughing? 50 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,400 Some people who are watching this are thinking fucking "Fat Boy Slim"? 51 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,360 (BOTH LAUGH) How old is he? 52 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,960 Got their fingers on the pulse. Oh, yeah. 53 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,960 'With our knowledge of DJs firmly stuck in the '90s, 54 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,440 we needed someone to bring us up to speed.' 55 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,080 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 56 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,520 'So, with the help of superstar DJ Jonas Blue 57 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,640 we will be put through our paces 58 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,840 before going on to perform a headline set 59 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,000 at one of the capital's top nightclubs. 60 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,760 (CROWD CHEERING) 61 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,480 (MUSIC MIX INTRO) CHASE 62 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,760 ♪ Baa baa black sheep rock star rap G 63 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,480 ♪ Make enough dough to own a black card that's deep 64 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:51,760 ♪ The only thing that's bigger... 65 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:56,240 When was the last time you went on a night out? To a club with a DJ. 66 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,640 Fifteen years ago. 67 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,760 ♪ Don't say that I didn't ever warn ya... 68 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:04,080 DJs, for me, have been a gateway to more beer. 69 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,520 So you need something to drink? 70 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,800 Yeah. But you don't give a shit about the music. 71 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,880 ♪ Don't make me have to show ya... 72 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,080 I'd never really liked gigs for music or DJs, 73 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,600 cos I liked going to a pub. I don't really like music. 74 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,200 Superstar DJs is not my world. No. 75 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,600 I've got absolutely no respect for it whatsoever. It's not an art. 76 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,320 They take a USB, they plug it in, 77 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,680 it's already been done as far as I'm concerned. 78 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,240 They don't all do that, do they? 79 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,480 How do you know? 80 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,160 I don't, to be fair. They could do. 81 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,560 'It was clear we had a lot to learn.' 82 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,360 'Luckily, we were off to see Jonas Blue 83 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,200 at the house the USB built.' 84 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:45,760 What a gaff he's got. 85 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,160 I know. It's nearly half the size of mine. 86 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,280 Come on, mate. Have a day off. (LAUGHS) 87 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,720 Ah, here. I'm a bit nervous about this. 88 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,640 Don't be nervous, mate. 89 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,160 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 90 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,920 Hello, mate. Yes. Hello, mate. How are you? 91 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,320 Hello. Rob. Nice to meet you. 92 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:03,920 I'm Jonas. You all right? You good? 93 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,440 Yes. We are ready to, well, mix. Learn how to DJ. 94 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,920 -Ready? -Yes. You look ready. 95 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,840 Ready for a lesson. What I'm gonna do is, 96 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,120 before we start this, 97 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,480 I want you to go out tonight. OK 98 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,960 Go and explore what the clubs have to offer. 99 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,560 Be ravers for the night. See what they all want, and enjoy it. 100 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,960 And then come back and I'm gonna teach you how to DJ. 101 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,720 So do the homework... Then learn how to be a DJ. 102 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,320 Have you double booked Joel Dommett and Nish Kumar? 103 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,760 (LAUGHING) I'm busy tonight. (ROB LAUGHS) 104 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,800 You can go on my tour bus... On your tour bus? 105 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,800 Otherwise you're gonna waste -my time. -OK. 106 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:38,520 Do that and come back, and then we'll get into it, so... 107 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,120 Would have appreciated that over text, rather than coming all the way to Essex. 108 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,600 -But not a problem. -Sorry. -Nice to meet you. -Don't drink. 109 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,000 Too many drinks. We'll be... 110 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,760 We won't. We'll be good. Professional? 111 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,040 We'll learn and do our homework. -Yeah. -Cheers, mate. 112 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,120 I'll see ya later. -Good. -Yeah. 113 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:53,200 Fucking piss-take. 114 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,160 I've come to Ongar. 115 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,040 I've come to Essex... I know. 116 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,480 ..to be sent off on a bus. (EXHALES) 117 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,440 However, as it turned out, 118 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,160 his bus was somewhat of an upgrade from the 273 I get 119 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,880 from Petts Wood to Lewisham. What a journey that is! 120 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,840 We're gonna roll up in a tour bus like absolute dons... 121 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,320 Yeah. ..then we're gonna go in, 122 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,120 get given wristbands... I can't wait to do this to a bouncer. 123 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,080 Read that, dickhead. 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey! 124 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,440 I'm in, you prick. 125 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,520 Also, is it sad that just two middle-aged men 126 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,360 get off a bus, and no one else. 127 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,200 It's one of the most tragic things ever. 128 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,400 It's an overblown form of transport. -We don't need this much space. -No. 129 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,800 I don't even know the driver's name. 130 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,840 'Not only had Jonas lent us his bus, but he'd organised meet-and-greets 131 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,520 with some of the world's biggest DJs.' 132 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,200 What do you reckon he's getting mileage-wise out of this? 133 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,400 Do they still have cloakrooms? Clubs? 134 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,120 Are you gonna dance at the clubs? 135 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,000 I don't really dance. 136 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,840 'As we arrived back in London, 137 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,400 it was time for the first leg of Jonas' tour...' 138 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,760 (DANCE MUSIC INTRO) 139 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,600 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 140 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,120 Yes. Oh, mate. 141 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,880 Driven backstage into Wembley. 142 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,160 (BOTH LAUGH) 143 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,200 This is quality. You know what I mean? 144 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,840 '..where the undisputed king of drum and bass, Andy C, 145 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,160 was finalising his sound check ahead of tonight's performance. 146 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,720 (MUSIC REVERBERATES THROUGH VENUE) 147 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,120 That sound check, it definitely works, doesn't it, the sound? 148 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,120 When I first arrived, I was like, "Ah, I could be here all night." 149 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,200 And then, about two minutes in, I was like, "That's too much." 150 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,680 Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's pumping through me. 151 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,320 The atmosphere in here is gonna be ridiculous. 152 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,560 Also, I've just found out he's playing a five-hour set. 153 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,040 Kinda like Wimbledon drum and bass. 154 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,600 Hello, mate. Lovely to meet you. 155 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,480 You all right? Andy, lovely to meet you. 156 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,480 Thank you so much for having us. My pleasure. Thanks for coming down. 157 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,440 This is amazing. This is dreamland. 158 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,360 I was stood up the back looking at it, 159 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,760 trying to soak up the moment and all the build-up that goes with it. 160 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,720 When this has 12,000 people in it. 161 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,000 It's awesome. The sound is really good. 162 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,520 How much of the five hours is mapped out in your head? 163 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,120 I know what I wanna play at the beginning, but I look in the crowd. 164 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,000 So if you see somebody over there 165 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,960 he's liking, enjoying an emotional tune, 166 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,280 or somebody's got their heads down and they like the stompers, 167 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:44,000 you think, "OK. In ten tunes' time I'm gonna give you a little section, 168 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,040 and then you just get in this flow and you pick up audience members. 169 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,080 Do you think that, 170 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,040 superstar DJs have become a thing in the last ten, 15 years, 171 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,640 have you noticed a difference in the way the DJs are treated and revered? 172 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:01,320 From a technical standpoint, D 173 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,320 so, you know, I don't know. 174 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,440 Some people stand up there and just push 'play' and jump around. 175 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:10,160 Are there people robbing a living just putting on already mixed CDs. 176 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,360 I would not like to suggest that that's the case. 177 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,000 Would you be surprised if you found out they were? 178 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,040 Nnno. 179 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,880 Look, congratulations. Thanks a lot. 180 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,160 Good luck, man. Well done. 181 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,320 -Lovely to meet ya. -Ooh! (ALL LAUGH) 182 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,600 (LAUGHING) Cheers, mate. 183 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,960 Now, looking forward to the gig, but with plenty of time to kill, 184 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,760 we had time to take stock of what we just learned. 185 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,360 ♪ OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Shimmy Shimmy Ya 186 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,640 (LAUGHTER) Oh, shit! 187 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,880 Right. 188 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,880 (ROB LAUGHS) 189 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,720 That's how you pour it! 190 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,120 -Oh! -Cheers, mate. Cheers. 191 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,120 I'm absolutely loving this. Right? 192 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:53,000 Basically, I turned up thinking we were gonna get a DJ lesson. 193 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,160 I've told Lou I'm out working, he's sent us out on a night out! 194 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,840 It's unbelievable. 195 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,840 (MUSIC STARTS, AUDIENCE CHEERING) 196 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,000 (CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 197 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,440 (MUSIC INTRO BUILDING UP) 198 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,360 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 199 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,120 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER MIC) 200 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,920 (CHEERING, AIR HORNS BLASTING) 201 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,120 Heads up! 202 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,400 Oggy Oggy Oggy! 203 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,800 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 204 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,920 (TURBO BASS MUSIC PLAYING) 205 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,520 This has been a long time in the making, people. 206 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,480 (MUSIC TEMPO SLOWS) 207 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,920 Tonight is for all of you lot who are representing turbo bass. 208 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,840 Hands up in the air and jump with us. 209 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,520 Let's go! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 210 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,080 You're in Wembley Arena, baby. Let's do it! 211 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,000 (MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 212 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,880 (MUSIC PLAYING) Let's go, gangstas. 213 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,600 (TURBO BASS PLAYING) Blow! 214 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,280 (BASSLINE, MUSIC DROP) 215 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,720 Let's go gangstas Blow! 216 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,440 (CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 217 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,760 (AUDIENCE CHEERS) 218 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,960 Scatter! 219 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,320 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 220 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,520 (MUSIC DROP) 221 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:50,280 Let's show Wembley something it's never seen before! 222 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,720 Everybody inside the place, from the front to the back, 223 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,760 let's go! 224 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,280 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 225 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,880 JUMP UP! 226 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,560 (TECHNO STYLE MUSIC) 227 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,880 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 228 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,440 (MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE) 229 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,720 (LAUGHING) Oh, my God! 230 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,440 That is insane! 231 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,920 Wow! I love Drum And Bass. 232 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,680 (CHUCKLES) I love it now. 233 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,640 I never knew I did. That was insane. 234 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,600 I genuinely haven't seen a reaction from a crowd like that. 235 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,760 (LOUD BANG) Ohh. 236 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,640 I could- I couldn't re... I couldn't cope. 237 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,680 I'm having the time of my life. 238 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,080 Got a new hobby. Romesh is happy. Loving it! 239 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,640 Go on tour bus, few more drinks, night out. 240 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:37,880 Technically "work". 241 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,040 Cast-iron alibi in the morning. I've never felt better. 242 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,880 When he came out, 243 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,000 and the music dropped, 244 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,400 and I looked out, 245 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,360 like, what an amazing thing to be on the stage to see that. 246 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,360 I've got two more clubs and two more DJs to go and see. 247 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,640 You know what I say to that? Light 'em up. I'm ready for 'em. 248 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,520 (CLAPS HANDS) 249 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,720 Great. (LAUGHS) 250 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,960 It's so cool. 251 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,680 ROB: Back in London and back on the bus... 252 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,640 ..we were trying to soak up as much knowledge as we could 253 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,240 about the world of the superstar DJ. 254 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,640 And having left Andy C with his devoted followers, 255 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,160 we were on our way to Jonas' next stop. 256 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,200 And we knew, if we were truly going to transform ourselves 257 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,440 into the masters of the wills of steel, 258 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,560 we had to take this opportunity seriously. 259 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,040 (LAUGHS) 260 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,240 Go away, Robbie! 261 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,520 (LAUGHS) 262 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,320 (LAUGHING CONTINUES) 263 00:12:54,360 --> 00:13:00,000 ♪ VENGABOYS: We Like To Party! I gotta dance to this one. 264 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,000 LOVE IT! 265 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,280 (LAUGHS) 266 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,240 This is the place to be. 267 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,480 You're battered. 268 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,280 I don't even know if I'm gonna go home tonight. 269 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,920 (LAUGHS) 270 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,080 I am ready for the next one. 271 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,360 And soon enough, it was time for the next one... 272 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,200 ♪ CYPRESS HILL: Insane In The Brain 273 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:28,120 ..where we would meet, arguably, the biggest act in British dance: 274 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,360 Chase 275 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,520 We're at another club. We're in London Bridge. 276 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,560 I don't know what's going on. We're here to see Chase 277 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,800 I've just found out it's not one geezer. 278 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:42,160 It's under a railway arch which tells me all bets are off. 279 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,960 'Unfortunately, the night was taking its toll on Romesh.' 280 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,360 (LAUGHING) Oh, God! 281 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,920 'But was I going to let him ruin the best night of my life?" 282 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,360 No chance. 283 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,480 Do you need a motivational quote? Go on. 284 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:59,040 We've not come this far to only come this far. Yeah? 285 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,160 I don't know what it means, 286 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,560 but it gets loads of people watching it on YouTube. 287 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,240 'So with him taken care of, 288 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,440 it was time to meet our next case studies...' 289 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,240 Saul Chase 290 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,000 '..which went terribly.' 291 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,720 Do you... Do you... Do you... 292 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,120 Did your set have like a... I know that you have to be like... 293 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,880 I know what you're doing and all that. 294 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,320 It sounds just suddenly... 295 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,800 'So, having gained more valuable insight...' 296 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,080 It is late. 297 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,040 '..we headed inside to continue our learning experience.' 298 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:40,600 (DRUM AND BASS DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 299 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,840 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 300 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,800 Can we all stop and give it up for Chase 301 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,840 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) 302 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,960 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 303 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,160 (AIR HORN BLAST) 304 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,080 (MUSIC DROP) 305 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,720 ♪ Inten inten intentional 306 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,680 ♪ Inten inten intentional... 307 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,520 (MUSIC SLOWS) 308 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,080 (CHEERING INTENSIFIES) 309 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,080 (DROPS NEW TRACK) 310 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,000 (SYNTHESISED MUSIC) 311 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,400 (DEEP BASSLINE) 312 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,360 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 313 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,880 'Two clubs down, and having approached the evening 314 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,960 with the agreed level of professionalism, 315 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,280 Romesh was able to start painting a picture of 316 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,360 what made superstar DJs so unique.' 317 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,360 All you have to do is...that. 318 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,000 But they've got to do this... 319 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,040 (LAUGHS) 320 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,280 (ROB CONTINUES LAUGHING) 321 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,640 I feel quite awake now. How bad would it be if I went back in? 322 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,600 I think it'll be great for you... Yeah. 323 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,040 ..and it'll be ideal for me. 324 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,000 Cos then I'll go home on the bus on my own. 325 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,920 I'm gonna go back in. 326 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,360 Great. I support you in that decision. 327 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,000 -I'm going in. -Go for it, mate. -I'm going back in. -Go for it. 328 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,760 Weirdly...against all odds, 329 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,320 this night finally got good. 330 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,720 I mean, I've had an absolute result. 331 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,920 I've had an absolute result. 332 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,280 I'm about to be on a bus home without Rob. 333 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,520 That wasn't even on the cards when it started. 334 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,800 The morning after the night before, we were back at Jonas' house. 335 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,720 We were here to report back on last night's field trip, 336 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,240 and begin preparations 337 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,080 for our own DJing debut. 338 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,600 Hello. You all right? -How's it going. -Nice to see you. 339 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,040 How you doing? How'd you get on? 340 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,520 Very tired. OK. 341 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,080 But it was good. Tell me about it. 342 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,600 He struggled. I was better than him. 343 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,600 Yeah, come through, lads. -Cheers, mate. -Yeah. 344 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,240 Tell me, how did it go? 345 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,720 Well, first couple of hours, great. Loved it. 346 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,920 We were having a really good time. OK. 347 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,160 But then, what happened is the night continued. 348 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,360 Right. 349 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,960 It would be better, if these gigs happened during the day. 350 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,040 (LAUGHS) 351 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,640 'For Rob, he hadn't just arrived with a hangover, 352 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,120 he'd found inspiration.' 353 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,000 What really got me into thinking about I like really wanted to be a DJ 354 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,640 is walking up the drive and seeing this gaff. 355 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,280 There's nothing about the art that he likes. 356 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,920 Oh, no. It's, essentially, your house. 357 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,120 -Yeah. -Right. Yeah. Cos I understand 358 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,680 that there's people obsessed with the craft and process, 359 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,320 and it's an art form how you do it, how- Shut up. 360 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:51,360 I wanna be the guy the industry -hates but earns all the money. -Yeah. 361 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,320 He's mastered that in comedy... (LAUGHS) 362 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,040 ..so now he wants to do it -in a different area. -Yeah. 363 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,720 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 364 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,720 'At this point, happy to latch onto any inkling of hope...' 365 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,240 Oh, my God! 366 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,040 'Jonas agreed to give us a whistle-stop tour of his gaff. 367 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,120 For inspirational purposes, of course.' 368 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,600 This is unbelievable! Ohh! 369 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,120 'Starting with the biggest telly I've ever seen.' 370 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,200 Was it true, though, that you wanted to be a DJ 371 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,640 after watching Club Reps? Yes. 372 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,760 Right. I'm obsessed with Club Reps, what series are you talking? 373 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,920 Er, it was Johnny. Johnny Hormone? 374 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,920 And Lee, who loved England? Yeah. 375 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,840 Why do you think you made it when so many other people haven't? 376 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,720 You've got to remember, I only got my first break at 25, 26 years old. 377 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,880 Right. I've been doing it since I was 11. 378 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,320 Every single day. All those days throughout school, 379 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,680 I was doing it every single day, and there was a lot of "nos". 380 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,880 Those were really tough years for me cos when you've got dozens of labels 381 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,120 telling you, "No, your music's not good enough", 382 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,440 there was a lot of the hard times I don't forget while sitting here. 383 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,360 This is the master bedroom where no magic... 384 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,720 No magic happens? Just functional... 385 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,800 Wanking's a type of magic, mate. (LAUGHS) 386 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,080 Functional, quick, to the point. (LAUGHTER) 387 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,280 Another cool thing in this room is this room, 388 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,680 which is something that I've always wanted, which is... Sex dungeon. 389 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,800 Yeah. ROB AND ROMESH: Oh, mate! 390 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,480 It's like something from a space ship. 391 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,120 This is a sickness, mate. 392 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,840 I'll be honest, mate. It's gone from real admiration... 393 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,360 It's a bit annoying now. I'm starting to get pissed off. 394 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,920 So not only have you got a pool, -you've got your name in it. -Yeah. 395 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,840 Is that saying that's your one? Yeah. Exactly. 396 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,560 Feeling inadequate, we called an end to the tour. 397 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,360 So we headed to the basement studio via the basement orchestra room. 398 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,040 Can either of you play the piano? 399 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,000 I've got fucking nothing in the locker, Jonas. 400 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,920 Really? None of you- I've got nothing... 401 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,640 I did used to learn the piano. 402 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,160 (PLAYS GENTLY MELODY) 403 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,400 Cinema. Cinema. 404 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,640 Walk-in wardrobe, playing the piano, 405 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,120 I want to sleep with you. Yeah. 406 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,000 Right now. I mean, that's the plan. 407 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,200 (ALL LAUGH) 408 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,240 'Finally, it was time to get down to business.' 409 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,760 (LAUGHING) This is so sick, man. 410 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,800 It's like the Starship Enterprise. 411 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,120 I don't know what any of this does, but I'm so impressed. 412 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,080 Can we get a lesson? Yeah. 413 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,560 'So after a swift tequila...' 414 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,800 Cheers. Cheers. 415 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,200 Here's to the, er, lesson. 416 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,040 Here's to... I like DJing. 417 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,480 '..it was time to cover the basics.' 418 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,000 So I'm gonna load two tunes. Yeah. 419 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,760 (MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS) 420 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,200 That one's playing... Yep. 421 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,840 ..and the crowd are loving you and 422 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,840 you've got your top off and everything else. 423 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,240 But in the headphones, 424 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,440 you'll be preparing the second song which is gonna be... 425 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,240 (MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES) 426 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,280 OK. 427 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,920 (MUSIC PLAYED THROUGH SPEAKERS) 428 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,720 'All we had to do was get from one track to the other, seamlessly. 429 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,040 As ably demonstrated by Jonas himself.' 430 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,480 (FIRST TRACK PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS) 431 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,280 (SECOND TRACK PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS) 432 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,120 Oh, my days! 433 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,400 (LAUGHS) Mate! 434 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,240 (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 435 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,760 (SYNTHESISED NOTE PLAYS) 436 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,200 ♪ CUTTING CREW: (I Just) Died In Your Arms 437 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,400 (ROB AND ROMESH LAUGH) 438 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,840 (TURNS OFF MUSIC) 439 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,920 Mate! That's kind of like... 440 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,160 Fucking hell! 441 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,000 That was sick. Did you want another tequila? 442 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,960 If it makes me do THAT, yes. OK. 443 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,880 'Fired up and ready to go. 444 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,400 This master class was our chance to gain the skills we needed 445 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:48,680 to get us through playing a headline DJ set at a London nightclub. 446 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,400 Or, and not for the first time this series, 447 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,200 it was certain humiliation ahead.' 448 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,240 Go, Rom. 449 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,840 (REDUCES VOLUME) 450 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,240 No, no. Keep it up, keep it up. 451 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,160 (INCREASES VOLUME) Keep them both up. 452 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,680 You're not on Radio 2, mate. 453 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,360 (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 454 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,680 (MUSIC DROP) 455 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,440 Aaah, m... 456 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,560 Was that good? Before I congratulate him? 457 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:10,840 Yes, Romesh! Yes! 458 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,080 Love it, mate. 459 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,680 (LAUGHTER) 460 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,000 (LAUGHS) 461 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,000 'Annoyingly, Romesh wasn't too bad.' 462 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,960 (TURNS OFF MUSIC) 463 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,400 'But now it was time to show them how it's really done.' 464 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,400 Right. So we're gonna go to the end of the song and I'll count you in. 465 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,800 Yeah. You... -Yeah? -Please. 466 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,600 Then all I have to do is press "play". 467 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,280 All you gotta do is press "play". Cool. All right, let's go. 468 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,080 (SONG PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS) 469 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,840 I'm giving it some now. 470 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,880 Then you tell me when to press play, yeah? 471 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,160 You'd be, like, hands up. 472 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,800 (DECREASES VOLUME) Blackwall Tunnel's shut! 473 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,040 (INCREASES VOLUME) 474 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,880 -Are you ready? -You gotta wait until tomorrow night by midnight to pay the Dartford Crossing charge. 475 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,560 (INCREASES VOLUME) 476 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,360 -Right. -I mean, by doing that you did kinda just miss your cue. 477 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,720 But we're coming again. 478 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,480 Where were you? You should... Sorry. 479 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,760 Hold on. Tell me when. 480 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,080 (MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS) 481 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,320 Ready? Yeah. 482 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,440 (COUNTS TO BEAT) One, two, 483 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,120 one, two, three, four. 484 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,240 (PLAYS SECOND TRACK) Now bring it up. 485 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,560 No, no, no. Keep the bass up. OK. 486 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,040 (LOW BASS) 487 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,760 (INCREASES BASS) 488 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,280 No, no, keep it up. Keep it up as well? 489 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:26,760 What? 490 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,000 Why do you keep doing that? 491 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,640 All right. -Yes.Love it. -Yeah! 492 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:31,680 Is that it? 493 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,840 No idea what's happened, but everyone's looking at me funny! 494 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,640 (LAUGHTER) 495 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,520 Did I do it? Yes, Jonas! 496 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,360 Fucking LOVE DJing. 497 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,080 Right. I'll tell you what... 498 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,040 I like... (MUSIC DROP) 499 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,320 I'm so drunk. 500 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,400 (LAUGHS) 501 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,840 Do you know what? I love DJing. 502 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,480 I love DJing. 503 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,960 I love DJing. (LAUGHS) 504 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,440 I love Jonas Blue. 505 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:55,880 I love Rob Beckett. 506 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,160 Cheers. 507 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,280 We need more practise before we do a proper show. 508 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:01,360 Sure. Yeah. 509 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:07,240 You think that we might need more practise than the hour we've had here, before we do a set at a club? 510 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,480 Yeah, I do. OK. 511 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,280 That's what our focus should be. Interesting revelation. 512 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,920 I would agree with you. OK. Cool. 513 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,480 I'm so drunk. You've got to stop drinking tequila. 514 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,720 (LAUGHS) 515 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,240 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 516 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,560 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 517 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,800 ROB: 'Romesh and I were on a mission 518 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,680 to transform ourselves into superstar DJs. 519 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,920 We were now just days away from performing a headline set 520 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,440 at a top London nightclub.' 521 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,160 ROMESH: 'But, after hanging out with Jonas Blue, 522 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,720 I was starting to appreciate the complexity of what these guys did, 523 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,560 and things weren't looking promising. 524 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,520 So I'd come to Greenwich to have an emergency lesson 525 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,960 with one of hip hop's most legendary DJs.' 526 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,800 (HIP HOP SONG PLAYING) 527 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,880 DJ Yoda, essentially, is like... I'm not overstating it 528 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,200 saying he's one of my heroes when it comes to this. 529 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,040 Easy, mate. How are you? How's it going? 530 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,080 I wrote a letter to him. I don't know if he'll remember this. 531 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:17,680 I got his address from Hip Hop Connection magazine, and he sent me a sticker. 532 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,960 Receiving that sticker in the post was better than losing my virginity. 533 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,200 It was unbelievable. 534 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,360 If anything, though, 535 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,480 having that sticker and talking about it 536 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,680 guaranteed that I kept my virginity a bit longer. 537 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,720 With over 20 years' experience and multiple awards to his name, 538 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,760 if anyone could get me through this it was Yoda.' 539 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,680 In a few days' time, I'm playing to, I don't know, hundreds and hundreds of people. 540 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,480 Is it possible to get away with this? Cos I'm shitting it. 541 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,200 Don't worry. You don't need to panic. 542 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,320 We're gonna just cheat it. Good. I'm in. 543 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,520 The ultimate would be, I'm just chatting to him 544 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:56,280 and he's going, "Holy shit, Rom, you're so cool and casual." And I go, "Yeah, I know." 545 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,160 And I go, "Can I have a go at this DJ thing?" And he's, "Oh, my God! 546 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:03,080 Do you know what? I think you've got a real future in this, man." 547 00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,320 And I go, "Do you really think so?" And he'll go, "Yeah." 548 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,840 Couple of weeks' time I'm entering the DMC world championships and smashing it. 549 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,440 I was gonna show you a little bit of just mixing music together. Let's try this. 550 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,080 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 551 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,440 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 552 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,680 ♪ STORMZY: Big For Your Boots 553 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:25,920 (RECORD SCRATCHING TO BEAT) 554 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,560 ("BIG FOR YOUR BOOTS" CONTINUES PLAYING) 555 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,520 ("BIG FOR YOUR BOOTS" CONTINUES PLAYING) 556 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,400 (MUSIC STOPS) 557 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,520 Something like that. That was insane, man. 558 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,600 OK. So I want to do that now. 559 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,960 All right. Let's get started. How long will it take? 560 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,040 Twenty years. (LAUGHS) OK. Sweet. 561 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,840 I actually made this available to Rob, 562 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,640 as a best friend would. 563 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,400 "Rob, I've sorted out one of the greatest DJs in the world 564 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,800 to teach us to mix." And he can't be arsed. 565 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,440 I've gone from worrying about his success 566 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,680 to hoping he crashes and burns so badly 567 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,720 that for the first time in the history of dance music, 568 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,720 people start throwing their own shit at him. Because he deserves it. 569 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,520 This sounds harsh, but he just can't be arsed. I don't know what he's up to. 570 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,720 ROB: Oh, yeah. This is the place. 571 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,520 Neon everywhere. 572 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,600 I feel like someone's drug brained. 573 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,760 Romesh is trying to learn to mix in a day. 574 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,480 Never gonna happen. It takes years. 575 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,880 There's no point messing about with the music side of things, 576 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,480 it's all about the look. That's what I'm focusing on today. 577 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,800 Right. 578 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,520 'While Rom was trying to keep it real with DJ Yoda, 579 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,320 I was planning to blow the crowd away 580 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,320 with a performance they'd never forget. 581 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,440 First things first, an outfit.' 582 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,760 Look at that. Do I like ganja? 583 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,160 I don't know. Let me ask my pyjamas. I think I do. 584 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,760 Buck hats. 585 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,080 Nothing official happens. 586 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,920 No-one comes up to you and goes, "Excuse me, you can't park there." 587 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,040 Party time. 588 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:07,120 THIS looks a bit like the M5's shut for resurfacing. 589 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,280 So I'm not sure if that's my vibe. 590 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,040 Cos with this accent and that outfit, 591 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,280 I'll look like I work on the roads. Look like I'm fucking up the trains. 592 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,760 It looks like Guantanamo trousers, doesn't it? 593 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,080 This I like. 594 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,160 This has got an East 17 vibe. 595 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,240 Cos I think THAT is a statement piece. 596 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,440 And then you can accessorise with high-vis. 597 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:26,880 This little fella. 598 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,880 Don't know what that is. Looks like a Muppet's been skinned. 599 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,920 Some of the gear, though, is absolutely outrageous. 600 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,320 It's just like a little vest with a couple of birds on it. See-through. 601 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,640 ROM: 'Back in Greenwich, I was ready to start my training with DJ Yoda. 602 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,080 But first, he had some news for me. 603 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,360 I'm gonna be DJing tonight 604 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,440 we'll try and make it so that you can jump on 605 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,160 towards the end of my set, celebrity cameo DJ appearance. 606 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,760 Oh, shit. OK. 607 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,240 As a little mini test, 608 00:28:56,280 --> 00:29:00,040 I'm gonna play out here tonight, and I have, well... 609 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:05,880 ..two hours to acquire the requisite skills in order to be able to do that. 610 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,960 OK, before we do this, is it possible that 611 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,320 I'm gonna be so shit at this that you will back out immediately? 612 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:12,560 Let's find out. 613 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,240 The truth is, I'm not an idiot, 614 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,440 I'm not Rob Beckett, so I do get it's tough. 615 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,680 I basically need to ask Yoda: 616 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,440 what can I do that gives the maximum impressiveness 617 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,080 but also requires minimal skill? 618 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,480 Volume up. (INCREASES VOLUME) 619 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,160 That's it. Scratch the start. 620 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,280 One... (SEAMLESS DROP) 621 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,480 Oh. Was that good? 622 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:32,640 Mate. Yeah? 623 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,120 Give that a spin back. (RECORD SCRATCHING) 624 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,720 YES! Yeah. All right. 625 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,680 Yeah. We need that to happen tonight. 626 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,600 Oh, my God. Perfect. 627 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,200 Mate, if that happens tonight, 628 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,840 I will leave my wife 629 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,000 and go and see who else I can find. 630 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,160 (LAUGHS) 631 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,040 (RECORD SCRATCHING) Unfortunately, my marriage was safe. 632 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,080 (SCRATCHING) 633 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:53,480 (SONG PLAYING) 634 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,680 (SCRATCHING) Horrendous. 635 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,240 (BOTH LAUGH) 636 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,840 ROB: Do I look good, mate? I tell you what, 637 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,160 if you see me in this, you're not gonna worry about what's coming out the speakers. 638 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,640 What you thinking? 639 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,160 Smashed it. Look at that. 640 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,400 I look like a mechanic from the Death Star. 641 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:24,640 Innit? 642 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,600 ♪ MAX ROMEO: Chase The Devil 643 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,640 I'm having it. 644 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:30,880 Cherry on the cake. 645 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,080 A few facts. One. Just one fact. 646 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,000 I think its quite flattering. Personally. 647 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,400 It keeps all the stuff in the right places. 648 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,440 ROMESH: 'I was an hour into my lesson...' 649 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:43,800 No. Oh, shit! 650 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,280 '..and things weren't improving.' 651 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,400 (RECORD SCRATCHING, MUSIC PLAYS) 652 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,840 That's how you don't want it -to sound in the club. -Fuck! 653 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:50,880 Yeah. 654 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:57,000 I have now accepted that tonight is not gonna go well. 655 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,240 It's gonna be a car crash. 656 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:02,640 I'm essentially just putting my seatbelt on and praying. 657 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,520 We've got to get you to use the cross fader a little bit. 658 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,680 The cross fader has been something I've wanted to do for ages. 659 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:09,920 Now, I hate it. 660 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,120 (RECORD SCRATCHING) OK. 661 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,240 I mean, that sounds awful. I mean, it will do. You just... 662 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,280 Like, just don't worry about it sounding awful. 663 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,400 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 664 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,840 I absolutely hate doing it. 665 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,280 I hate the cross fader. I hate everything about it. 666 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,160 You've got to show the crowd, "I'm the scratch DJ now." 667 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,000 Even if it sounds terrible, style it out. 668 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,520 'I was so bad at it...' 669 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,560 (SCRATCHING WITH NO RHYTHM) 670 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:38,120 ..that him watching me, I could see HIS love for DJing dissolve, 671 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,200 as he was watching me. 672 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,400 Because he was basically seeing someone 673 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,600 shit all over the art form repeatedly. 674 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,360 Technically, you're doing all the right things. 675 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,840 Yeah. But it sounds like dog shit. It sounded pretty awful, didn't it? 676 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,680 At this point, I am this close... 677 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,040 ..to giving Yoda my glasses 678 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,480 and asking him to brown up. 679 00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,400 That's where I'm at with this now. 680 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,280 Because I can't see any way out of this. 681 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,520 Apart from that. 682 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,520 He needs to get himself a beard 683 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,200 and some Marmite, 684 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,160 and tell people his name's Romesh. 685 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:15,840 ROB: Here we go. Come on. 686 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,000 I told you this was the place, didn't I? Look at me. 687 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,320 I look like a rave pimp. 688 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,240 When I walk into the club like this, 689 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,040 people are gonna go, "Who's that guy and what's he up to?" 690 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,360 This SCREAMS DJ. 691 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,320 When get on stage and start mixing it they'll be like, "Yes, please." 692 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,800 Romesh? Him in a nightclub? He's 40! 693 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,240 He's a failed maths teacher. He'll get turfed out. 694 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,920 I won't. I'll be dominating it. 695 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:39,520 Look at this. 696 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,680 ♪ Bo bo bo-bo-bo do dep ♪ 697 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,600 I don't know what that song is, but I feel good. 698 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,520 Romesh fucking about mixing? Do me a favour. 699 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,080 ROMESH: 'Back at the club, Yoda had started his set 700 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,920 and I was up next. 701 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,600 But there was a problem. 702 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,280 The equipment I'd practised with 703 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,520 was different to what I was about to perform on.' 704 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,040 He's used to it. He goes, "It's the same." 705 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,640 I looked at it, 706 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,280 It doesn't even look like the same machine. 707 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:12,040 It's like going, "We want you to converse with a Spanish person 708 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,840 and we're gonna spend two hours teaching you Spanish." 709 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,720 And you go, "OK. I think I've got up to speed." 710 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,320 And then they go, "Oh, little last-minute switch, 711 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:22,440 he's gonna be Iranian. 712 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,920 But it's similar. 713 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,480 Make some noise for Romesh Ranganathan! 714 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,520 (HIP HOP SONG PLAYING) 715 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:34,440 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 716 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,400 (HIP HOP SONG CONTINUES) 717 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,640 My first real test was coming up. 718 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,080 Could I survive mixing one track into another? 719 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:47,800 One, two, three, four. 720 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,040 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 721 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,280 (FEEDBACK) 722 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:51,480 AUDIENCE: Aahhh! 723 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,840 (BOOING) 724 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:55,600 (SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 725 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:56,840 Complete failure. 726 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,080 And I still had ten minutes left to perform. 727 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,720 (LAUGHING, HECKLING) 728 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,040 I'm sorry. It's a fuck fest, is what it is. 729 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,040 Genuine, absolute dog shit sandwich. 730 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,120 ♪ Hi my name is my name is my name is... ♪ 731 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,760 (BOOING) 732 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,320 DJ Yoda will never contact me again. 733 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,840 I've told people in there that he trained me. 734 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,600 I mean, God knows if he'll work again. 735 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:22,840 (AUDIENCE MUTTERING) 736 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,800 (MUSIC STARTS) Biggie... 737 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:26,560 There were some glimmers of hope... 738 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,960 ♪ Ah this goes out to you Biggie 739 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,440 ..but they were short-lived. 740 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,880 ♪ This goes out to you... ♪ 741 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,760 (AUDIENCE MEMBERS GROANING) 742 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,720 MAN: You're rubbish! You're rubbish! 743 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,360 The rest was an absolute shambles. 744 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,240 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 745 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,920 ("CHIN SCRATCH") 746 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,560 The chin scratch 747 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:46,800 was a low point. 748 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,080 (AUDIENCE GROANING) 749 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:53,680 It elicited the kind of cheer a pisshead outside Wetherspoons 750 00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:55,640 when he finally makes it back to his food. 751 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,880 (AUDIENCE JEERING) 752 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:01,680 I don't have to do shit. 753 00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:05,200 So you saying to me "you have to", no, I don't "have to". 754 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,800 Because after that, I don't HAVE to do anything. 755 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,960 (GLASS SMASHING ON TRACK) Broken glass everywhere... 756 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,000 (AUDIENCE MOANING) 757 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,080 What's supposed to happen in these shows is 758 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,920 you start off at ground zero, 759 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,200 progress, progress, progress, Rocky montage, and then success. 760 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,920 That's not what's happened here. What's happened here is 761 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,120 midway through, Rocky's gone, "I'm gonna give up boxing." 762 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,920 That's essentially what you're dealing with now. 763 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,600 Somebody phone Apollo Creed and tell him I'm not coming. 764 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,520 ROMESH: 'It was the evening of our big performance. 765 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,880 And after the car-crash of a set last night, 766 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,480 it was touch and go whether I was gonna go through with it. 767 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,440 But I'd had a call from Rob, 768 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,240 asking me to come to the club early to watch his rehearsal.' 769 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,200 He's decided to do a DJ set. 770 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,640 He's gonna actually have to prepare and do a bit of DJing, which is, 771 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,960 for me, a sign he's started to take things seriously. 772 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:16,320 ROB: 'In a few hours, the club will be absolutely rammo. 773 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,760 It was up to us to deliver a night out they'd never forget. 774 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,240 And I was bang up for it.' 775 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,640 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 776 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,560 Romesh! What are you doing? 777 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:31,760 Rehearsing! 778 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,120 Why have you got dancers? 779 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,480 Well, why not? We're putting on a show, ain't we? 780 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,680 This is not comedy, mate. This is DJing, it's a nightclub. 781 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:41,360 You can't just walk out and bang on about your wife and kids 782 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,520 and expect to get a pay cheque. Oh, here we go (!) 783 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,160 One second. Can we check the CO2, please? 784 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,120 Fucking hell! 785 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,400 Yeah, I think they work. How you feelin'? 786 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,240 I'm feeling like you're out of control. 787 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,480 Just a second. 788 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,960 Bubbles. 789 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,120 (LAUGHING) Oh, my God. 790 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,720 T-shirt cannon. You are such a prick. 791 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,400 Get to the back, I'll send you one. Can we have some lights? 792 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,520 I don't want to get him in his good eye. Heads up, Romesh! 793 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,120 ♪ VENGABOYS: We Like To Party 794 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,240 (LAUGHS) You're such a wanker. 795 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:11,480 Why have you done this? 796 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,640 Look at that! You look great! 797 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,320 Rob. That's when I first met you. 798 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:19,960 That's when you had jokes. 799 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,520 You're a prick, mate. 800 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,840 Production-wise, a bubble machine, T-shirt cannon, 801 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,080 dancers on stilts, CO2, confetti, 802 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:32,200 and, er, great tunes. That's what I'm dealing with. 803 00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:34,080 Absolute bangers! 804 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,360 And whenever it dips, something loud happens. 805 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,800 That's what I'm going for. 806 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,240 I, for a brief moment, thought that Rob was taking it seriously. 807 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,880 Obviously, he's not. He's got dancers... 808 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,640 I think Ronald McDonald's turning up in about half an hour. 809 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,400 It is mental. I mean... 810 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,880 (TURNS MUSIC ON, THEN OFF) 811 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,120 ROB: Oh. Sorry. Are you talking still? 812 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,320 Just trying to rehearse up here. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -What's going on? 813 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,880 I know what you are thinking, all of you are thinking-Oh, shithead! 814 00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:02,920 Oh, it went too far. Sorry 'bout that. 815 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,000 It's all fun and Rob's putting on a party, blah, blah, blah. Look. 816 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,040 ♪ GALA: Free From Desire 817 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,520 Oo! Oo! 818 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,120 I fucking hate this prick. 819 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,160 (SONG CONTINUES PLAYING) 820 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:19,880 What a wanker. 821 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:23,720 Genuine... 822 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,520 Free from desire! 823 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,600 ♪ Mind and senses purified 824 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,240 ♪ Freed from desire 825 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,360 ♪ Mind and senses purified 826 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:33,960 ♪ Freed from desire... Yes! 827 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,280 'By now the club had opened its doors and was filling up.' 828 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,440 'While Rob was busy mingling and generally being needy, 829 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,640 I'd spent 20 minutes in a crappy storeroom 830 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,080 trying to psych myself up. 831 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,040 And I'd reached this conclusion. 832 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,720 I would like to do it, 833 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,640 without anybody seeing me. (HIP HOP PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND) 834 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,520 Sounds like I'm talking about wanking. 835 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,280 But what I mean, I would like to do DJing 836 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,720 I don't want to do DJing in front of an audience 837 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,320 because last night was demoralising. 838 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:09,200 The thing that could go wrong for me would be a power cut. 839 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:10,440 That's my greatest fear. 840 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,360 The best thing that could happen is a power cut. 841 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,800 But, failing that, I don't know, 842 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,680 Rob goes on and somehow kills himself. 843 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:21,160 I'm a plug waiting for the hole. Give it to me and switch me on. 844 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:24,120 Back in the store cupboard, 845 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,280 I was still battling my inner demons. 846 00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:27,520 EMINEM: If you had 847 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:29,600 ♪ One shot 848 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,120 ♪ Or one opportunity 849 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,960 ♪ To seize everything you ever wanted 850 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,240 ♪ In one moment 851 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,400 ♪ Would you capture it 852 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:41,440 ♪ Or just let it slip? ♪ 853 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:46,200 MAN: 'Please, welcome to the stage DJ ROMESH!' 854 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:49,120 'There was no way I could let Rob get the better of me. 855 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,160 I'd put in the hours of practise, and I was as ready as I could be.' 856 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,440 (MUSIC STARTS) 857 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,000 It looks like doing an Excel spreadsheet. 858 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,560 'My first few mixes didn't go to badly. 859 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,200 But about halfway through, 860 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:07,560 the wheels started to come off.' (MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY) 861 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:12,520 (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS) 862 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:17,080 (RECORD SCRATCHING) That's happening now, is it? 863 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,440 The thing is, he's not good at mixing with people. 864 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,680 Never mind records. 865 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:22,960 'And it was at this point...' 866 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,360 People are leaving. 867 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:28,000 '..that I completely abandoned the idea of becoming a superstar DJ.' 868 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:29,040 (BOOING) 869 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,640 Come back! 870 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:31,720 I'm all right! 871 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,760 'Finally it was over. I hadn't covered myself in glory, 872 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,120 but I had stepped up and performed a genuine DJ set. 873 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,960 Which is more than I could say for what Rob was about to do.' 874 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,440 He says he's mixing live tonight. OK? 875 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,160 I've seen what he's got, 876 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:52,560 I am not good enough to mix with all of my powers of concentration on it, 877 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,760 let alone with a T-shirt cannon in my hands. 878 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,000 He thinks I'm... 879 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,960 He's thinking there won't be any mixing and I'll be cheating? 880 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,200 I can guarantee you, 881 00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:04,400 every song will be mixed into the next one. 882 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,640 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 883 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,960 If Rom's tactic was to bore the crap out of 'em, 884 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,480 then mine was simple, 885 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,000 to take them on a journey they'd never forget. 886 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,520 'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 887 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,040 DJ Rob Beckett!' 888 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:18,480 (CHEERING) 889 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,040 (STEADY BASS BEAT) 890 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,440 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 891 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,760 ♪ Four three two one... ♪ 892 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,440 (CHEERING INTENSIFIES) 893 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,560 ♪ VENGABOYS: Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom! 894 00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,840 ♪ Whoa oh whoa oh 895 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,160 ♪ Let's break it down... 896 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,320 ♪ Whoa oh whoa oh 897 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:44,920 ♪ Boom boom boom 898 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,240 ♪ I want you in my room Let's spend the night together... 899 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,280 He's not even pretending that he's doing it. 900 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,040 'What Romesh didn't seem to get was 901 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,960 that people had come to actually enjoy themselves. 902 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,160 And I was just getting started.' 903 00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,800 (MUSIC DROP) 904 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,680 ♪ 2 UNLIMITED: No Limits 905 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,320 ♪ Let me hear you say yeah... 906 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,280 AUDIENCE: Yeah! (CHEERING) 907 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,080 Why bother with the headphones? He's doing fuck all. 908 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,120 ("NO LIMITS" CONTINUES PLAYING) 909 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,240 ♪ No no no no no no no no no no... 910 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,000 Look at this shit 911 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,280 ♪ No there's no limits 912 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:27,520 (MUSIC DROP) 913 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,040 WHOOOOAAA! 914 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,240 (LAUGHS) 915 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,600 Absolutely zero clue that was gonna happen. 916 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,320 (CHEERING) 917 00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,880 'There were moments when I thought he'd lost the plot.' 918 00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,360 GIVE ME THE GAS! 919 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:44,880 WHOA! 920 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,240 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 921 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,720 'I banged out about 30 minutes of pure euphoria, 922 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,720 and I still had one more track to drop.' 923 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,480 (LOUD BANG) 924 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:55,840 (SLOW INTRO) 925 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,640 DJ SAMMY: Baby you're all that I want 926 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,360 ♪ When you're lying here in my arms 927 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,280 ♪ Finding it hard to believe 928 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:06,360 ♪ We're in heaven... ♪ 929 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,360 I wanna see you jump high! 930 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:10,840 (MUSIC TEMPO INCREASES) 931 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,840 I hate DJing. I think DJing's shit. It's for pricks. 932 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,160 Oggy Oggy Oggy! 933 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,600 AUDIENCE: Oi Oi Oi! 934 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,640 ("HEAVEN" CONTINUES PLAYING) 935 00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,880 COME ON! 936 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,120 'They loved me. 937 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:30,320 I loved me. 938 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,160 I'd become a superstar DJ. 939 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,240 (MUSIC STOPS) 940 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,680 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 941 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,840 I mean, 942 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,480 you didn't have a clue what was in that mix, did you? 943 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,360 I think that was the greatest moment of my life. 944 00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,000 Oh, mate, I'm exhausted. 945 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,320 When the energy's that high in the room... 946 00:43:58,360 --> 00:43:59,960 You're a cheat. Why? 947 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,920 You're a cheat and it worked. Congratulations. 948 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,280 You're all right. It was great, just different styles. 949 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:05,840 I respect what you did. (MOUTHS) 950 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,720 Cheers. I never want to see it ever again. 951 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,960 You might have to, if you come to my show. 952 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,560 And in that suit you smell a little bit like a used johnny. 953 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,880 I stink like a condom. Yeah. 954 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,560 Anyway, fuck DJing. 955 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,720 It's a load of shit, and everyone that does it are arseholes. 956 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,920 I don't even like Yoda anymore. 957 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:23,080 Great mix he did, though. 958 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:24,320 Did he do the mix for you? 959 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:25,560 (LAUGHS) 960 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,040 So, my- The guy that I got to train me... 961 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,040 So not only have you cheated, 962 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,440 the guy that trained me, he actually -helped you beat me? -Yeah. 963 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:35,760 Get yourself home, boy. 964 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,320 INDEEP: Last night a DJ saved my life... 965 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,600 You smashed that. Yeah, thanks for coming. 966 00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:43,240 ♪ Last night a DJ saved my life Yeah... 967 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:44,920 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 968 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,560 ("LAST NIGHT A DJ SAVED MY LIFE" CONTINUES PLAYING) 969 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,600 subtitles by Deluxe E-mail sky.subtitles@sky.uk